I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
