Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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