hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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