Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
