Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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