Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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