He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
