i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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