he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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