We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
