I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
