ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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