At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
