During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
