Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
