we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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