Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
