So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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