that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
