ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
