I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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