By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
