I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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