I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
