i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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