I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
