In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is my gift to your gina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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