just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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