i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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