11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
