hell yes lets make some ravioli
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
