I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
