She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
