so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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