I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
