Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize