Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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