if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
