why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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