Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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