never play flip cup with pint glasses
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
