ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
