It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
