dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
