I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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