shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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