I must be too annoying 4 u.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
