Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
