They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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