google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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