I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
