I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
