I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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