ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
