just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
