I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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