just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
