She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
