He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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