PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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