you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
