wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
