I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
