I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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