My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
