but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
