My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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