i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
