Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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