He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So here I am, sexting at work.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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