She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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