Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize