he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
