Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
