o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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