it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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