It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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