did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
