You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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