my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
