your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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