actually, I'm a sock model
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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