My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
