True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
