then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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