It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
