Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
